Suicide... -.-"

OKAY,
TO MAKE THIS CLEAR,
I POSTED ON FB,
AND NOW HERE..

I AM NOT GOING TO SUICIDE -.-"
Only idiots will do so...
Why should I waste the life god gave me?
I'm just repeating what I said in fb-.-"
anyways, NO MATTER HOW EMO I AM,
I WILL NOT JUMP OFF A BUILDING,
BECAUSE WHATEVER PROBLEMS I HAVE WILL NOT SOLVE THAT WAY,
I rather talk to my babes about it rather then have them and my family mourn for me -.-"
Unless I get hit by a car and died on the spot too bad -.-"
My friend once said that nobody knows what will happen.
Yeah, she thinks I might suicide because who knows.
Kinda true but, I hope I won't be so irrational.
Plus, PLUS,
Suiciding is just for those who can't run and feel vulnerable.
I have a big future ahead me.
I rather suffer than suicide and suffer few hundred years repeating the way I suicide,
I heard thats how things go..
HAHAHAHAHAHA,
No matter how sad I am,
I have my babes with me,
Thanks to my babe nata for last night,
I finally felt positive and happy again!
I was once an emo kid,
Unhappiness,
I even put a sisscors on my wrist,
But I didn't want to abandon everyone in my life,
So, I rather write it all down or say it all out to myself.
My "alter ego?"
HAHAHAHA, AT LEAST I DON'T GO JUMPING DOWN A BUILDING.x)
Plus, with all my babes with me I won't do anything stupid.
I hope xD My friends words are kinda scaring me maybe I will suicide.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
:D :D :D nahhhh x)
But if I do,
Just be sad for a day only my dears,
I don't want to see any tears for a person who doesn't deserve it.
If I even went to a decision to suicide,
Just don't even mourn for me -.-"
It's not even worth it -.-"
I abandon people with suiciding and they are mourning for me when I leave?
Wow.... HAHAHAHAHA
and, I'M NOT SUICIDING,
THIS POST IS CAUSE TWO PERSON ALREADY THINKS I WANT TO SUICIDE -.-"
THAT IS ALL -.-
Dang, I feel like punching them in the faces but who cares,
One of them isn't even worth it,
The other?
I don't know. xD
Tatax~
Need to find a way to get my ipod touchie~
OWH, AND BEFORE I FORGET,
I SAW A SNAIL THIS MORNING!!!!!!!!
IT'S HUGE!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

Hahahahahaha, :D
So cute~~~~~~~
Anyways,
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEE :D

-Yuki-

Thanks a lot...
Just forget all about them. Deleted the post.
It's not worth being upset for them.
Peace out~
Loves..

-Yuki-

Words?

Am I gonna abandon this blog again?
I don't know why..
So many things on my mind,
Questions,
I would love to type it all out but at the same time,
It's emotion has taken me to a level where I do not want to remember.
My mind goes blank when I type.
It goes blank when I want to think.
I just feel tired and want to let go and feel the breeze.
The stakes are high.
But my progressions are slow.

My homeworks are slowing down,
Keeping up with japanese,
School works,
Ain't an easy task.
Suffering these aren't anything big.
Just normal tensions.
It just gets better when I go training.
Running, exercises.
Whole body cramp but it's fun.
This fri, I'm going to continue to push myself.
Hope I can cope with it all.
After practise, tuition, homeworks, activities.
Plus, planning to join camps.

Felt lots of emotions.
Hurt, Reluctant, Sad, most of all... Angry.
I was hurt when I know I could not like him.
Reluctant when I couldn't make the right decision.
Sad when I told my friend to convince me about something stupid.
Angry.... about how stupid I could be all this time.
I want to turn back time.
I feel sorry for the people I abandon.
Sorry for myself.

I don't want to friend them back but I just wish those happy moments just stayed and never moved.
The way they say things to me just prove how much they don't know me.
Every time I mention their flaws, it just means how much they meant to me once.
I could not forget tiny bits of memories with them.
It just reminded me of a year I've been through.
This is just stupid.
I don't want to mention about them yet I am right now.
My mind is all messed up.

I want to travel around the world.
I just want peace and happiness.
Every second is worth to treasure rather then feeling sad and waste time just like that.
However, I can't stop myself.
I hope I can travel right now, right this moment.
Dump everything else aside.
Important or unimportant,
Dumping it all and relaxing.
Feeling the breeze on the beach,
the scent of the sea that just calms me.
I guess I'm not that into a pack schedule.
If I can't survive this.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
How will I ever survive the entertainment industry....

Flashbacks.

I've been thinking a lot these days,
Friends, Valentines, most of all, Music.

For *them*
I don't want to recall memories with any of them and luckily,
It's fading away,
As for my schoolmates,
Went to a lot of parties,
Have loads of homeworks but almost done.. I think.
Got tuition later,

Valentines,
0 valentine haha of course,
Who would like me ~ x)
I bet he have his gifts.
I kept telling myself to forget him.
I just don't like them and don't see any chance for me to like either of them.
Stupid me, why must I be so naive.
Keep my distance idiot!
Study is most important!!!!!!!!!!! x)

Volleyball...
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG
DID PHYSICALLLLL ..
That was fun, tiring, painful and awesome.
Thanks to R.Z.'s words, "Pain is pleasure"
I went for practise ...
HAHAHAHA,
Anyways..

Lastly, music,
touched me a lot these days,
Feeling emotional,
I want a song that can express me well but so far I just rather hear them.
I notice there was a voice casting but I found out it was due.
But, it was for a malay drama I think.
*phew*?
But, now the thing thats on my mind is how much I can last.
My homeworks,
Exams.
They will all be number 1 after my volleyball comp.,
Choir comp.
Want to join this coming's choral speaking's audition.
This is gonna be a tough year and I'm ready!
Give you best !
You can do it!! x)

STUDY!!

Have to focus on studies way more than anything now.
Stop thinking about nonesense.
I'm just an idiot,
Aren't those story enough to hold on this feelings?
I should have known that knowing you more will make me go deeper,
I never imagined this to happen so quick,
Guess shuld just keep my distance from now.
REMEMBER HOLD YOURSELF IDIOT!
You have lots of things to do idiot,
Japanese exams,
School!!!
Gosh,
I think I can't even breathe this year,
my pay back for relaxing to much,
I have to study for exam !
do not go out anymore! :)
No sunway and anything!
giving all my ang pau money to my mama,
For my ipod touch 4... x)
My sacrifice,
I need to do my homework tonight,
Not going to online,
No more facebook addiction!
Need to do some push ups first then start studying some japanese,
Then add maths homework
and science,
So on...
So many things I want to blog and not hide my feelings but I can't use to com much,
Going out tomorrow too.
I hope, I can handle all of this.
Give me the strength ...
Love ya..
Got to go
Dinner..

There is just so many things I want to say,
Lets start off with tonight.
Kinda a fun night at the twins house.
Watched the fireworks.
It was awesome..
and beautiful.
:)

Then the fun part,
Singing with the choir members while nafieq played the piano~ :)
Then all the shouting calling out numbers from gambling.. x)
I won at first then I lost... x( x(
This is sad! x(

Anyways,
Don't know what else to say need to sleep early and got class tomorrow.
So many thoughts in my mind.. haha
Back to realiti...
Gosh,
My heart is beating for someone.
Feeling upset about my hand but I will pray for it.
Please heal... x)
I wanna play volleyball again~ :)

Such sweet pain,
Knowing that this didn't mean anything,
I left,
Your lies,
It's all shown,

Lols, crap that,
I was bored! :D :D
anyways,
Has a blast with some volleyball babes.
Until I recieved a message,
Please,
I'm not *u*y,
No longer her!
She is just animation,
I'm myself,
I don't want to be known as her anymore,
It's unrealistic for me already.
Seriously,
Is like your friends as a show and not reality,
Don't text me,
There was so many people I first thought but I know they already forgotten about me,
The recent text, I have no idea who is it.
I have already deleted your numbers,
Deleted you all from my memories,
Well, trying to,
I just don't want to break down again,
Please don't text me before I reach my limits.
I doubt you know my blog -.-" LOL

Anyways,
Had two shandy A.K.A Oil by Nafieq,
Hahahahaha, Funny fellow,
And a mean guy.
Don't want to mention him,
He owe's me an ang pau!!! D: D:
XD
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee,
Speechless,
Need to study -.-"
Just want time to pass faster and everyone of them forgets me and I forget them.
It's just sweet pain but,
I asked for it :)
So, I have to face it :) :) :)

Patience

Watching you cook, do the dishes,
Especially one thing that touched my heart,
Being patience all the time.
You were patience while burning the flames.
I will always remember that.
But I can't seem to forget how you actually hurt me.
However,
From now on,
I want to cook for my love ones,
You, everyone with a deep meaning.

Learning to bake cookies and all but no oven so MICROWAVE :)
Learning to cook dishes like fish and chicken
I love cutting the chicken , best part ever,
Also not to forget the vegetables~
Mmmmmhhhhmmm,
Delicious,
Watching people appriciate the food I make is a big meaning to me.
So,
I'm going to continue cooking.

Plan to perm my hair but I wanted to be natural,
Depends how my hair is when it's long then I'll decide,
After SPM,
Might want to visit Japan to see if that life is suitable or not.
Then decide to study or send in some audition tape.
So many choices.
But I will still need to work for everything.
So, Look foward now,
SPM,
I haven't finish SPM the rest will just be dust.
I have to work hard!
Just one year!
It's going to be a blink of an eye.
I kinda miss being a kid,
Wearing my white dress dancing and mummy in front of me.
Wearing a white pearl necklace.
That image is always on my mind.
It was my birthday.
Getting barbie dolls as a gift and started to collect them.
My happiest moments ever.
I felt free with no sadness and no thoughts.
But now, my happiest moments will be with all my loved ones.

Truth...

I actually plan what to write here just a while ago,
I put the paper in my book but on my way home,
I've decided not to use it.
I'm just going to say what I want to.

I love the times we spent,
I used to like being with you all,
But it has all changed,
I don't want to go back to you guys,
I'm just glad I'm forgotten,
I don't blame you guys for forgetting me,
It is my fault,
I don't want to hang out with you guys but I can't say it.
I don't want to act like the victim anymore.
I chose this road,
My decision was to leave you all,
I kinda dislike how I get forced,
But I do enjoy all the laughters,
No fake,
Just tired and no longer wanna force myself.
I joined you all because I wanted a gang of my own,
A place where I belong,
But you all were just online and a gang of cosplays.
Nothing more.
That kinda make me feel sad.
But it's the truth..
I'm sorry.
But I never regret what I did..

YEAH!!!!

I log back on to my old Fb a while ago thanks to my jie,
GREAT NEWS!
I'M FINALLY FORGOTTEN!!!!
*phew*
The rock is outta my heart
Felt so relieve :)
I'm just too glad for this!
:D :D :D
Now, everyone is free~ :)

JUST aquintance.

I'm not wrong am I?
I practically don't know what to say other than our interest.
Our common interest.
When you call me I just go speechless and waits for you to end the call.
If you feel sad reading this I'm sorry.
I don't want to hurt you.
Sorry.
But this is the truth,
How I feel.
Everything.
The reasons for everything.
I'm not going to hide.
I'm just going to face it then.
Going to ignore your existance from then.
Nothing gain easily.
If you feel pain and sorrow,
Emo and all,
Please,
Don't.
It's not worth it.
Not at all.
Life is short.
The times I get piss you try to cheer me.
Let me tell you,
You just made me more piss and uncomfortable.
Your not a bad friend,
Just not the way to cheer me up thats all.

I am all pissed and you tell me to chillax.
What about yourself?
You tell me to chill and you say your problems and say you can't chill?
Look, if you can't chill from your problems,
Same for me okay.
Every person has their limits,
If you go speechless saying,
Chillax.
Please don't.
If you don't know what to say, just don't say anything.

For me,
The way I handle things,
Isn't as bold as you.
I say things at bad timing and even worst,
Deep inside I feel that I'm screwed but I'm not.
You all gave me the warmth of friends,
But I felt it wouldn't last,
The distance and feelings has changed,
I'm sorry.
I can no longer be whoever you want me to be.
I'm just trying to free myself and love my friends who is really with me now.
I may want them to talk to me when I'm emo
But actually,
I kinda like it more when they don't force me to tell them what is going on.
I need attention but not all the time.
I actually feel way more comfortable with my friends.
I may have only 1-2 to trust but,
Quality is better than Quantity.
I don't need one gang of you guys but not understanding who I really am.

There were times when my friends left me and enjoy,
I felt upset and left out,
but we still laughed in the end.

There were times when you guys force me to tell you whats going on,
If I don't say what,
You all will be upset thinking I don't trust you guys.
I will feel upset, angry, left out and more.

Conclusion,
I know what I want now.
I'm sorry for existing in your life.
Treasure those happy memories,
Even if I no longer talk to you all.
I'm just going to stay happy and not go upset.
Because I know my friends,
They are worried when I feel upset.
They just couldn't do anything so they just laugh together even tho I'm upset.
They tried to cheer me but I guess...
I'm no longer the emo yuki.

I love you all my friends,
My babes~ :D :D

THANKS :)

Thanks for showing me the way once again,
Even if you didn't
I assume you did~
I didn't lose hope in everything but,
I lost hope in myself,
You show me that love isn't the only thing in the world,

If the person I love died,
If I die along with him,
It's wasting my life you gave me and he will not want so.
To find the person who truely loves me is to accept me for who I am.
Friends follow the same concept.
I should stop thinking so low of myself.

If they hate me, despise me, dislike me, I can't do nothing.
I can just love myself for who I am.
Annoying or Stupid.
I am who I am.
We were created not to be perfect but to accept each other for who we are.
I have to keep that in mind.

I love you,
My family,
My friends,
and most of all,
God.

I believe you exist in my life.
You shone my dark days many times.
But even if many say you don't exist,
You will always be in my heart.
That is all that matters. :)

Happy New Years once AGAIN :)

Suppose to wake up at 7,
Ignored the alarm,
Woke up at 8 in the end.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :D
Took a comfortable bath,
I'm wearing a super cute shirt! :D :D
It's seriously cute,
I'll upload a photo later~ :) :)
OMG, I'm being so random..
Owh, I'm sick... AGAIN ...
Yeah... so much for having a "STRONG" body.
Now, I'm sick,
Flu, Sore Throat and .... HAND PAIN.. XD
My goshhhh, my hand...
I think I twisted it when I was playing volley ball..
Arghhhh...
Yesterday there was a particular fly that kept disturbing my mom,
I helped her and when I crossed my arms behind my back,
I felt something,
I think it was the fly so I try to hit with my left hand,
and.... HOMG...
IT HURTTTTTTTTTTS! D: D:
Ah well,
Like they say,
NO PAIN NO GAIN!!!
Anyways,
Got to go and help out COOK BREAKFAST !! :D :D

Every year,
It repeats,
Like a tape recorder,
The noises that could not be ignored,
It just reminds me about how I was scolded a year back,
I can't remember how but it was still fresh on my mind.
The thing that broke me more is the softness of the voice after everything...
I don't want to think about the pain anymore,
It's just going to go away soon,
:) :) I believe it...
Ignore the pain and sadness,

It was a really fun day today,
It started off really sleepy though,
I went to sleep at 11 last night and woke up at 7.15,
Mom woke me up :D
A while later I recieved Gracie's message~
HAHAHA,
THANKS GRACIE~~~~~~~~~ :D

It was seriously fun and we had a friendly match~
It was awesome and fun,
Lazy to explain,
So many on my mind to write,
Yet I feel so lazy..
Here are some photos~ :D